Shagging Burn Holes

Somebody fire the bloody maintanence staff. Me second best coat is burned to threads. Some crack opera singer--damn horns on his bloody helmet--spilled mustard on it, so I sent it to get washed. Came back as less of a coat and more of a bloody spool. They said to look on the bright side: the mustard stain is gone. Mugs; I like stains, I just don't like globs of shagging mustard spilling all over the place.

I wouldn't be so worked up, except I "lost" my best coat during the Civil War. Damn you, Grant.

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